Wednesday, June 8, 2011
first post: about me
Well hello I guess, my name is Jacob Witter and my favorite color is ORANGE. I live in a small town with lots of drama, I do my best to stay out of it but, as many people know, I just end up backing out of one persons drama into the next. This is my first time doing something like this and i don't even know if i'm doing it right all i know is that there is stuff i want to talk about and let out of my mind, it wont be as boring as this introduction let me assure you that. It is kind of hard to explain to people who you are when you don't even know your self but i'm going to do my best. sometimes it feels like i am a whole bunch of different people, by that i mean i act completely different with each group of friends that i hang out with. for example when im with my "cool kid" group of friends i will take every chance i get to come off as cool and as funny as i can even if it hurts peoples feelings, then when im with my nerd group of friends i engage in stimulating conversation and talk about d&d and world of Warcraft, when im alone with a girl i am nice and sweet and kind and complimentary, but in front of people even if i dont know them im kind of a dick, not a total asshole but not at all the same as when we are alone. when im with my family i act as normal as possible and stay out of the way. but when it really comes down to it and when im alone i am a scared, depressed, lonely teenager. I know some people might say I have no reason to be depressed because i have food to eat a roof over my head a family and friends that love me and all that jazz, but i think those are the reasons people get depressed, our whole meaning in life before all these things was to be constantly in the wild surviving any way we can. now we have to worry about making it in a world that is designed to make humans the exact opposite of what they are designed to be . well anyway that is it for now give me some feedback yea?
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Okay, wow. Except for the fact that your favorite color is orange... I could almost swear I had written this post, if not now, then at least 5-6 years ago. It's weird being a different person around different people so that you get to where you wonder which one is the "real you", or if even any one of those is, that maybe you is just hidden down deep, afraid to come out for fear of what people will think of him/her. Then you think, maybe I'm all of those people, and then you feel schizophrenic or something. Is that just me? I guess that right now, I am trying to reconcile myself, and be the same one person around everyone. Don't know if that's the right thing to do, but hey.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel extra guilty for my depression. I would hide it, deny it to myself, try and get myself to cheer up, but then I would feel guilty for being happy, because how can I have the right to be happy when there are so many people who are sad?
Its not just you i feel ashamed to admit my depression but when i do no one understands they are like you are to young your depression will go away and when i ask someone my age for help they are like whaa? i dont even get what you mean?
ReplyDeleteYup. As a teenager, I never really told anyone and to be honest, I didn't really understand myself that I was depressed, and had anxiety problems; I just knew that I wasn't happy, had panic attacks sometimes and contemplated suicide. I thought maybe they were right, maybe I would just grow out of it. But I didn't. Last year, I finally got help... after 12 years. It's still a struggle and I'm still figuring it out, but I'm far better than I was. If you need help, ask; don't wait as long as I did.
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